Andrei Iacob

1. You’re a moron.
If you’re a moron, or a bit rrrretarded (as Borat might call it), you might just want to consider another career. Check out the countryside. There are a lot of sheep there that need some TLC.

2. You’ve never heard of thedailywtf.
YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF THE DAILYWTF? WTF?
Yes, sure, now it’s called worsethanfailure. But deep down in our hearts, it still is thedailywtf.

3. You’re an Apple fanboy.
If you’re an Apple fanboy, you might as well go shoot yourself with an iGun. A nice, shiny, pearly, gay, white gun. It’s certain that if you suffer from acute Apple fanboyism you cannot code. You’re just too horny looking at the shinny computer (check #1).

4. You use swear words as variable names.
What is wrong with you? How can you do that? Everybody knows, swear words should reside in the comments!! So the compiler won’t be offended.

5. Don’t know how to extend a final class.
Every programmer who’s been around the internet for a while knows that if you want to extend a final class, you have to beg Chuck Norris to do it for you. Make sure you don’t get round-house kicked in the head.

6. You worked on Yahoo! Messenger.
Ohh. SNAP!

7. You like to be trained.
What? Why should we spend money on your training? Shut up and read that Goddamn book!

8. You don’t like to change jobs frequently.
You want a steady job where you can evolve ‘n’ stuff? That’s a clear sign that you aren’t cut to be a programmer. You should explore the possibilities. Quit your job right now and go somewhere else! You have a month to go before Christmas. I think you could change at least 2 jobs until then.

9. You prefer to shoot first and ask questions later.
If you’re a cowboy, you’re the man. But if you’re a programmer, you’re screwed. I mean, how could you shoot first these days, when you get a full blown lawsuit only for staring at someone. BUT! What if you’re a cowboy programmer? Heh? You see? There’s no good answer for this. It’s like when dealing with a woman.

10. You think users are stupid.
hehe, this is a hard one. The users aren’t stupid. They only want you to think that way, so you would underestimate them and produce crappy software. You know the old story, right? “It’s not you, it’s me!”

11. A classic. You think managed code is code written under higher management.

12. You like to eat actual food.
If you eat food, not pizza, kfc or mcsuxorz, you’re not cut to be a developer. And if you do eat junk, make sure you do it at your desk. And if you do it at your desk, make sure you give a bite to the keyboard, so that the keys will be smoother and greasier. If you’ve treated the keyboard so well, why don’t you touch the mouse with a handful of mcfatsorz grease? After that, the coding process will be magical.

14. You don’t like cubicles.
That’s what it’s all about. What better place to work in after completing a major in computer science? I can’t believe there are still companies that have cubicles.

13. You’re not laughing.
If you’ve read this and didn’t even smile, then you’re probably a sysadmin.

Please don’t flood the Internet with stupid lists like “Top 100 mistakes” “Top 10 companies” “N things to do before” when it’s clear you don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s embarrassing. Digg is full of them, and so is Reddit. Mostly when an online journalist or a plain old guy who just escaped on the web starts having opinions. Who the hell do you think you are?
And a nice article about programmers from India, here.